The Power of the Internet: Browning your pants with added immediacy

I do often marvel at the Internet - a creation that can probably be best described as marvelous. I must confess, however, to usually only scraping the surface of what’s on offer within the dank and seedy confines of those tubes. Today has proven an exception, and I have been aggressively plucked from the darkened cellar of ignorance into the relatively-less-dark kitchen/dining room of enlightenment. It is with pride that I say how my renaissance has given me a greater appreciation of how the ‘net can pull together all the important strands of your life into one, semi-manageable point - like asking an elephant to wear stilettos and inviting it to balance on your head. What I’m trying to say is that instead of all my problems being all over the place to such an extent that I can barely concentrate on any - everything that could possibly go wrong in my life is now instantly accessible through my browser…from anywhere in the world…

For example: Today, I thought I might check out my phone bill. Recently, I changed the service as my last bill was in the region of eighty squid and I thought if I moved to a more expensive package (I’m on contract, by the way) offering more inclusive minutes and texts, I would actually save money in the long term. Years ago, I would either have had to wait for a statement to drop through my letterbox or spend twenty minutes on hold to customer support but, fortunately, we live in an age of instant information so I was able to instantly check my account online and see if my bright idea paid off…

Over one-hundred pounds.

Fuck.

Let’s imagine the Internet didn’t exist for a second. I would have read that in a paper statement, been suitably pissed off for about half an hour and that would have been the end of the story.

Unfortunately, the pissing Internet is here to stay - and through it I also have instant access to all the other pieces of information I didn’t need to know at that precise moment. Within minutes I was able to access my online banking statement (to see exactly how little money I have to pay off the bill), see which other direct debit orders are set to come through for the rest of the month, peruse my calendar so I can see which money-draining events I can not avoid, etc. etc.

Thanks internet.

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